I Spoke Too Soon

I should have known.

When leaving late at night, its best to book the hotel room through the next day so that housekeeping doesnt surprise you as you’re about to step into the shower. Or so hotel management doesn’t call you multiple times to find out when you are leaving. This is just sound advice from someone who didn’t do just that.

I scrambled to call the hotel loyalty program to secure the room for the rest of the night to avoid being physically removed. It worked out in the end. But I was so close to perfect!

While I was packing and changing, I noticed that my bathing suit bottom had a little tear on the inside lining. Odd that I didn’t even feel it. Upon further inspection,  I noticed that the entire rear of my bottom was actually threadbare.  When I put my hand under it, I could see straight through to my palm. I took a deep breath and wondered how many people I inadvertently flashed with my bright white butt crack for the last 5 days. At the pool, at the beach, walking to and from my hotel room. How many innocent guests trying to enjoy their holiday had been blinded by the eclipse that was my ass? Instead of finding this out earlier in the trip, where I could have switched bottoms (tan line uniformity being my major concern) I didn’t learn this until I was packing to go home. I threw those bottoms away and cursed them, shaking my fist in the air at the Thainese gods. How unfortunate. But not at all unlike me.

So now I am here, in South Korea, waiting for my final flight home. At breakfast in the lounge, I just watched a guy choke up phlegm and spit it into his cup – o – noodles. This whole situation needs to be addressed by heads of state or at NATO or G7 summit. Repulsive all before 9am. I am going to scamper off and see about finding a shirt that says ‘I got Seoul’ even though I am not in Seoul. Or am I? I don’t even know.

I do know I have been up for 24 hours and I am fading fast. I still have 14 hours of flight ahead of me. Before I board, I am going to check to make sure my fly is zipped and there’s no toilet paper hanging out of my jeans. Just in case.

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